Confused. Simply confused.

WARNING. THIS IS POSSIBLY THE MOST ADD BLOG I HAVE EVER WRITTEN BUT IT CAME STRAIGHT FROM MY HEART. SORRY IF YOU GET WHIPLASH FROM THE SUBJECT JUMPS


I hate that we are suppose to decide at the age of 20 what we are suppose to do for the rest of our lives. We place so much emphasis on a college degree, and how you can only get placed in life if you have one. You know how I feel about that. I think it is a big bunch of BOLOGNA. Plain and simple. Im 21 years old. How in the world am I suppose to know what I want to do when I am 50? I know that you can go back to college and change your major(Which I have already done 3 times now.) I love the medical field. Within my field alone there are hundreds of different jobs. How am I suppose to know which one I am suppose to do? I love working at the hospital, but I also love teaching. I loved substitute teaching preschoolers and elementary school kids. What if I want to do that too? My main reason for not wanting to teach is that they do not get paid enough. But is everything about moneY? I know the answer is no, but I also know it sure does help a lot. I also love to cook. If I could do anything, it would be to quit college and go to culinary school, but there isnt really a good paying job with that unless you start your own business. Then again, I love business and traveling. I would kill to have a job that sent me all over the world to negotiate deals. See. Why? Why at 21 am I suppose to have to pick between the drives that I have when I have so many of them? Sometimes, I feel so hopeless and confused about what I am going to do and if I have picked the right path. If I won the lottery, I think it would fix a lot of my issues. I would be able to get any degree I wanted and not think twice about tuition prices. I could travel to Greece anytime I wanted to or go to Australia for the weekend. I could go to India for kicks and giggles. I could donate money to starving kids, and organizations that dont get enough recognition. Maybe, I should start playin my odds with the lottery. ;)

Whenever I get overwhelmed with thoughts like this, I just wish I had someone to talk to. I may have a lot of good friends, but over the last few months I have lost the people I would call and cry to. Things happen, people make choices, people get in relationships, people grow apart and start their own lives, and people choose other people. I realize this. It's apart of life. It's apart of growing up, but nevertheless it still hurts. I miss my best friend. I miss my close friends. They say, "You can still call me." but it will never be the same. This simply breaks my heart and feel hopeless. Theres a song by Remedy Drive that has helped me a lot in the last few weeks, it hasnt fixed my breaking heart. Only time can do that, but I know it will make me stronger. Here are the lyrics by Remedy Drive, the song is called Hope. Maybe it will help some of you out. I love you all. God Bless

What a beautiful sight for the worn and weary eye
The glimmering light in the corner of a broken sky
Hope sweet hope like a star burning bright
When the sun goes down and the fears begin to fly

Hope’s not giving up
Hope’s not giving up
In a cold dark night she’s not giving
Not giving up

Hold on tight this city’s about to break
In the middle of the night lying there wide awake
Hope sweet hope how much more can she take
Being our strength when our hearts are out of faith

bridge:
Hope is with me in my time of trouble
When it all comes crashing down she will stay
By my side digging through the rubble
She’s not giving up - not giving up - not giving up